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Found this little beauty in alt.atheism.satire |
Posted on Wednesday, July 31 @ 15:11:36 UTC by jim
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dysorderia writes: "Frank Wustner" wrote in message
news:see-sig-FE2C15.11445119052002@news.mindspring.com...
> New and improved. Thanks for the suggestions.
>
>
>
> Christian Asshole
> Sung to the tune of "Asshole" by Denis Leary
> If you've never heard this song, get it here and listen to it before
> continuing:
> http://deadly_nightshade.tripod.com/Asshole.mp3
>
>
> (que music)
> (spoken)
> This song is dedicated to all those Christian trolls around here.
> It's a song about your Christian dream.
> About how your Christian hearts beat deep down in your chests.
> Pastor Frank, CobaltFjord, Boaty, Doug, Dore, all the rest of you.
> You know who you are.
>
> (singing)
> I'm just a regular Joe with a regular faith.
> I'm your normal American Christian space case.
> I love Jesus and sermons and books about God.
> I drink wine and eat crackers to live high on the hog.
> My kids are all brainwashed, and so is my wife.
> My car's papered with "Jesus". What a wonderful life!
>
> But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested.
> (Oh-no) No way (Uh-uh)
> No, I've got to go out and have fun at nonbelievers' expense.
> (Oh yeah) Yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah
>
> I go on the net and I act really lame.
> And I chuckle while atheists roast me with flames.
>
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. What an asshole.)
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. Such an asshole.)
>
> I perch on street corners and I rant and I rave.
> I accost innocent passers-by and tell them "Jesus is my fave!"
>
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. What an asshole.)
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. Such an asshole.)
>
> Sometimes I go find gay people as well.
> I accuse them of sodomy and I damn them to Hell.
>
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. What an asshole.)
> I'm an asshole! (He's a real Christian asshole.)
>
> Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song,
> Preaching and judging and carrying on.
> Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong.
> .........................................Naaaah!
>
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. What an asshole.)
> I'm an asshole! (He's a real Christian asshole.)
>
> (spoken)
> You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac
> Eldorado convertable, hot pink, and ruin the paint job with innane
> christer bumperstickers and jesus fish! Yeah! And I'm gonna drive
> around in that baby all day long, blaring the horn and forcing people to
> read my religious garbage, getting one mile per gallon, because fuel
> efficiency is liberal clap trap inspired by SATAN! And I'll put little
> American flags on the radio antenna and the windows, to prove that this
> really *is* a christian nation and that all non-believers should be
> deported, jailed, or burned at the stake! And there ain't a god-blessed
> thing anyone can do about it. You know why? Because God is on my side,
> that's why.
>
> Two words: Biblical ***** Armageddon, okay?! Liberals, democrats,
> atheists, pagans, fags, they can try to take over the schools if they
> want. They can rip the ten commandments right off the walls, and it
> won't make a lick of difference because I've got the Bible, okay?!
>
> Jesus Christ isn't dead! He's in heaven! And as soon as we take over
> the nation he's gonna come down from Heaven, and he's gonna be pretty
> pissed off. You know why? You ever had to listen to the heathens talk
> shit about you? Well, he's listened to it for 2000 years, that's how
> pissed off Jesus is gonna be!
>
> I'm gonna get Jesus, and Ralph Reed,
>
> (Hey!)
>
> and Jerry Falwell,
>
> (Hey!)
>
> and Fred Phelps,
>
> (Hey!)
>
> and a case of whiskey and drive down to Texas...
>
> (Hey, you know, you really are a Christian asshole!)
>
> Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal!
>
> (singing)
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. What an asshole.)
> I'm an asshole! (He's a real Christian asshole.)
>
> A-S-S-H-O-L-E! Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E!
>
> Baaah! Bah baaah! Bah baaah! Bah baaah!
>
> (Speaking in tongues)
>
> Ooooooo Ooooooo
>
> (spoken)
> I'm a Christian asshole, and I'm proud of it.
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Re: Found this little beauty in alt.atheism.satire (Score: 1) by tina on Thursday, September 22 @ 05:43:41 UTC (User Info | Send a Message) | There are so many different kinds of bags in Longchamp. Longchamp bags - The women's fashion bags on longchamp outlet. This is where to look for your style, and spread one's individuality. In particular,Longchamp le pliage is very popular with yong ladies. It is designed by Mario Sorrenti. If you want to own unqie one, please contact us. Thanks!
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